If you’ve ever questioned “Is that me?” When watching or reading something about ADHD and/or autism - me too! And you’re in the right place.

I spent three years seeing videos that I hugely related to, light bulbs started pinging in my brain all the time “that sounds like me” Mic drop moments when I started to realise that all the things I thought that were “wrong with me” were actually not just character flaws but realising my brain is different.

Understanding that I’m not just lazy and unorganised I can’t tidy like neurotypcial things. I’m not hopeless and a failure, I am not motivated the same as a “normal person”. I’m not just always late because that’s Ana - time blindness is a real thing. There are so many things that resonated with me, as I’m sure there are many things that resonate with you too.

For three years I sat on my hands wondering if that was me, when finally in January 2024 I decided to finally make a referral for myself.

I wasn’t as prepared as I could have been, so later I’ll share what I would have done instead. I did an online request with my GP (phone queues are SO long and I hate talking on the phone) this way I could write out exactly what I wanted. I had been making a note on my phone of all the struggles I felt related to ADHD/Autism and noted a few to the doctor. Shortly after I get a text to make a phone appointment to talk to the GP. She went through two questionnaires with me, I struggled with this because by the time she had finished the question I had forgot what she said - verbal instructions are a downfall of mine! Afterwards she told me I had scored above what you need to be put through for an assessment. She said she was going to send me some forms to fill in and if I did them within 7 days I could respond to the online link or I’d have to bring them in. A deadline to work with, put me under pressure - that motivated me! I got it all in, my mum contributed to one, my husband to another and then mine.

Once I had sent it in within the deadline I didn’t hear anything for a few weeks, until one day out of the blue I got a phone call from my doctor I can’t remember the words exactly but I was shook! “You’ve been turned away from the ADHD NHS pathway.” I felt panicked, confused, defeated, sad, angry in the space of a few seconds for her to then carry on and say “Because they are full in Oxfordshire so we are going to have to go down the Right to Choose pathway.” Phew! The relief I felt. I thought that was it, it was all in my head. But I know how stretched the services are right not and had heard of Right to Choose before. Incase you have’t it is basically where you have the right to choose your provider, the list of them is growing and you can choose who you have your assessments through, this isn’t just for ADHD/Autism either, definitely do your research if you’re not happy. It’s not private, it still goes through the NHS and you don’t have to pay.

This meant more forms, I was less motivated to do this but luckily PsychitaryUK are hot on it when it comes to ADHD, your place is saved in the queue, you just have to do all the forms before you can get an appointment. Again my mum and husband had to contribute, it was all online so my mum struggled a bit with getting on, a lost link, but eventually we got there and it didn’t effect my place in the queue. They sent lots of email reminders and just general updates too, which is great for my forgetful brain. Every time I saw their name popped up I held my breath thinking it was my turn for an appointment but nope. I remember one time I was in the middle of Cotswold Wildlife Park with bare minimal signal, I got an email saying there was a note on my file, I was going crazy trying to get onto my portal to see but guess what it wasn’t, just a reminder.

2025 came around, a year had passed and still nothing, the waitlists are generally so long but Right to Choose is quicker, PsychiatryUK say there waitlist is around 1 year, so I was wondering when would it be my turn. One day in February I was in my kitchen with the kids buzzing all around the house, I slide down the kitchen cabinet and sat on the floor just having a moment in the madness. When a notification came through ping I gasped, my mouth dropped and I bounced off the floor, jumping up and down in excitement. Kinda like if you’d won the lottery, maybe over dramatic for you but honestly it was such a happy moment! I picked the earliest date when I had a childfree day to get it done. I turned to my fellow ADHD Coaching students to ask if anyone had their assessment with PsychiatryUK and how long would I have to wait for an outcome. They told me that I would find out within the session! Say whaaaaat?! I was so close to finding out, I was feeling so nervous but excited. 

The assessment was online, it could be up to 2 hours, I set myself up with multiple drinks, fidget toys, in a comfy spot where I could change position if I got uncomfortable and a charger so we didn’t run out of juice. Oh and I also had the notes on my phone for all the struggles I felt related to me being an ADHDer.

My psychiatrist was really lovely, I didn’t need my notes at all but it was good to have gone over them before hand to just remind myself. She asked me questions about my childhood, we went through school life, my family relationships, my boyfriends from the past, my marriage, life as a mum of 5 children, etc. I was very fidgety and a couple of time my mind wondered off, it was around 90 minutes altogether, a long time to stay focused and in the same spot.

I had expressed to her during the assessment that I resonated more with the inattentive side of ADHD and at the end when she was summarising her findings she diagnosed me with combined ADHD. She turned to me and said “why don’t you see the hyperactive side in yourself?” I actually recorded her summary part on my phone to listen back to and when I did, this part made me laugh. Like is it that obvious to her? Clearly. So I am officially combined ADHD, that means I am both hyperactive and inattentive.

Why bother? Does anything actually change?

Everything changes but also nothing changes. No, I don’t get any therapy, yes, I could go on a wait list for meds, which I said yes to but I can’t swallow tablets so I don’t have much choice and I’m not sure if its for me yet. So what does change? The validation, I feel empowered to be able to actually say yes I have ADHD, there are so many people out there who are self diagnosing - because there isn’t any other choice with the long wait lists, it should be validating enough but with the constant questioning for those who don’t get it, thinking its just a “trend” or an “excuse” an official diagnosis means I can be confident in who I am as an ADHDer. Confidence is something that comes and goes and in the past few years since the pandemic its something I’ve struggled with, having a piece of paper shouldn’t give me the confidence but it does. 

I’ve spent almost 2 years studying different certifications in ADHD, it has been eye opening, the things I have learnt aren’t just things I plan to implement with my clients but I have implemented them in my own life, with myself, my family and even helped within my marriage too. There have been so many small steps that I have taken and my mental wellbeing is better than it has ever been. So even if you don’t have a diagnosis make the changes now, you won’t regret it! 

I’m still waiting for my autism assessment, I’m on the NHS pathway and I have been offered an appointment but I haven’t been able to make the dates given. So I’ll keep you updated when I’ve gone through the process.

How do I feel?

A lot of people talk about having this period of 'grief' after you've been diagnosed, the 'what ifs' and the 'what could have been's' if a diagnosis had come sooner. I haven't felt this deeply yet, I have had moments of 'wow that explains a lot' during my journey of learning about ADHD in three different qualifications. The knowledge is powerful and has meant that I have made a lot of small changes in my life over the past two years that have made a substantial difference to my mental health.

There was one moment of great sadness while I was decluttering my house, I ordered a skip and it had motivated to go through all of the things I had been holding on to as treasures that really were more like trash. As I opened box after box, and produced notebook after notebook, a few full but most of them a few pages written in and then kept for what feels like forever. So many projects started but not finished, so many story ideas that didn't come to life, so many business proposals that never saw the light of day. That made my heart sink, the feel of failure, like what could I have done and where could I have been if I had understood how to work with my ADHD brain? All of the pathways I grew up with worked for neurotypicals but they left me feeling like a failure. I'm lucky I know now at 33 and have the power to make changes in my life for the better, as well as knowledge, having coaching has been a big part of my life, the guidance, the accountability, the honest questions making me face my issues and see the true successes in life has been life changing.

Now enough about me, if I were to start again, this is what I would do...

What to do if you want an ADHD/Autism assessment:

1. Go and read up on the diagnostic criteria, find what sounds like you and make a note of it.

2. Head to the Right to Choose* website print off the questionnaire and fill it in prior (I wish I had done this) go prepared!

3. Ask the GP to make a referral for an assessment ADHD/Autism and ask to go the right to choose pathway.

4. Pick your provider, I didn’t do this and its not a necessity but you can if you want to. Check who has good wait times but also good reviews.

5. Don’t take no for an answer. You have a right to know who you are. Just because you’re an adult does not make you any less worthy to seek a diagnosis.

I know its hard to find the confidence to go against what a doctor is saying but this is your life, your choice, you want a diagnosis then its worth it, no matter what anyone else says. If your doctor is really pushing against you, complain and request a new doctor. The more prepared you go in, the harder it is for them to push back.

I hope this helps, if you have any other questions, comment below and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Speak soon, stay connected.

With love & gratitude,

Ana Bonasera

Useful links:

*Right to Choose pathway click here.

Join our free parent carer mental wellbeing event click here.

Enquire about ADHD Coaching click here.